Grand Terminus

Well, I finally did it. Yesterday was the last lesson. I've learned the entire Kuang Ping Yang long form.

I wish I could say I am elated, have a tremendous sense of accomplishment, appreciate the fruits of my long hard labor. But unfortunately my victory is tarnished by my shoddy performance the previous two weeks.

I had house guests coming for a week. So for the week prior to that, my husband and I vigorously cleaned parts of our house too long neglected. We moved furniture to clean under and behind. God knows how many trips up and down stairs. Hours of kneeling, squatting, bending, pushing, pulling. By the end of each day I was bone tired. For 4 days in a row, I took Advil and parked my butt on the couch in front of the TV instead of doing T'ai Chi. I was "just too tired."

Then when they arrived, there were of course activities all day and into the evening. Some of the days included hours of walking around tourist destinations--zoo, botanical gardens, museums, etc. I did do T'ai Chi some days, but there were as many days of Advil and couch as there were T'ai Chi practice.

Then, here's the scary part: After they left, I wanted to spend time alone with my husband, so I didn't feel like taking time away from him to do T'ai Chi that day. "Didn't feel like it."

Here is my fear of the slippery slope: "Just too tired" and "Don't feel like it" are so arbitrary. How tired is too tired? When I don't feel like practicing, shouldn't I do it anyway? Isn't that what discipline is all about?

A month or two ago, I was concerned about what I would do after I reached the Grand Terminus, the last movement of the form. Now I'm concerned even more. Will I resume a daily practice, now that I know the entire form? Will it get richer and deeper? Or will it become an optional activity--a good idea, but if I'm too tired, or there is too much going on....?

We shall see.